2021: The Search For Empathy
One of the most unexpected business buzzwords for me in 2020 was “empathy,” Joe Biden talked about it, Michelle Obama gave a speech about it, and people were googling it a lot! I’m no stranger to buzzwords. I got behind “authentic,” “low-hanging fruit,” and even “ostensibly” - even though I still don’t know what that last one means - but empathy - what was that about? For me, as a college educated cisgender white male from the Northeast living in the heart of the Austin, Texas - there were a lot of people outside my bubble (i.e. Trump Voters, Racists, Covid-Deniers) that I did not empathize with. In fact, I hated them. But then, came an ultra-violent video game epic and streaming series about a goofy soccer coach and I ,shockingly, began to understand what empathy really means.
When you look in the dictionary - “empathy” means “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another,” which in the scope of 2020 feels like a tough ass thing to do. Yet, it was through my experience with the video game “The Last Of Us Part II” that I started to understand what this whole empathy thing was all about. If you’re not familiar - “The Last Of Us Part II” is an ultra-violent video game released in June that tells a tale of vengeance and violence amidst a post apocalyptic America that has been ravaged by a plague that turns people into monsters.
As most post apocalyptic stories go - the real monsters are the people who survive and the moral compromises they make along the way. For the entire first half of the game, the player assumes the role of Ellie, a young girl determined to kill Abby, whom she hates with a burning passion because Abby killed someone close to her. Midway through the game - the game flips - and all of sudden the player assumes the role of Abby - who is trying to kill Ellie. There’s a lot more detail in the story, some of it poignant, some of it heavy handed, and ALL of it really immersive and intense. Yet, while the overall game mechanics are kick-ass - it’s the theme of “the flip” of perspective that has stuck with me throughout this strange year.
It’s not enough these days to “put yourself in someone else’s shoes” because that would imply that we have worn one pair of shoes our whole life. To truly empathize - we need to understand people’s journeys, their cultures, and their hopes - their whole wardrobe to see the metaphor through. And while there has been much discourse about the game and it’s successes and failings - I think it’s greatest triumph is that it made people examine themselves and how they...empathize with others that they hate.
Somewhat tragically I believe for a lot of us, even if we can empathize with people and understand why they think that way - the end result is the same - these people suck and they are wrong! And this is a sweeping generalization but the feeling is something like this - I understand that COVID-19 lockdowns destroyed your small business but you’re still a selfish evil person if A) Voted for Trump B) Have gone outside your house without a mask C) Don’t want to defund the police. In this upside down year - that’s logic that feels “right” to some and “wrong” to others. And in 2020, the “rights” and the “wrongs” have never been more intense.
Enter in “Ted Lasso,” one of the most heart-warming shows I’ve ever watched. If you haven’t heard of it you can watch it on Apple TV. It’s a show about Ted Lasso, a mid-western college football coach who ends up coaching a Premiere League soccer team. It’s a mix of “Friday Night Lights,” “Bad News Bears,” and every book/seminar/podcast/speech you’ve ever heard on leadership and team building in your life. The show excels at many things - but outside of it’s relentless positivity - it’s the way the viewer learns that at the end of the day - we’re all just people with hopes and dreams, people who are making their way on the journey, and people who fail - that sticks with me. Everyone from the cocky young forward, to the team’s owner, to even Ted Lasso himself are carrying their tragedies, victories, and hopes into their lives. This is a lesson that really stuck with me - everyone struggles. Rich, poor, black, white, liberal, republican - everyone is on their own journey full of ups and downs. That’s easy to forget, but important to remember.
There are some big differences in the emotional messaging of “Last Of Us Part II” and “Ted Lasso,” and I’m not just talking about physical and emotional trauma. “The Last Of Us Part II” shows that if we don’t empathize with those we hate -the consequences for both ourselves and others are dire. I’m not gonna spoil it - but the game has the bleakest “happy” ending ever (kind of like the end of 2020, right?). It tells us with a heavy hand - empathize or our lives will be ruined. Ted Lasso on the other hand is telling us that empathizing will enrich our lives. It is only through relentless optimism and a search for common ground that we can regain our humanity and replenish our hope in a hard year.
There’s a lot more to be said about “The Last Of Us Part 2,” “Ted Lasso,” and 2020 in general (can’t tell if that gets quotes or not) but what I’m sure about as this year winds down is that I know now that empathy is not an act - it’s like all true things - a journey, and one that requires relentless commitment. I’m not ready to declare something bold (even though it would make a great “take”) that empathy is the opposite of cancel culture - but I do know that empathy, now that I truly understand what it means - is something that we can just use as a buzzword - but something we can strive to understand and practice in our daily lives.