Game Of Thrones Recap - Season 4 - Episode 3- Breaker Of Chains

"Breaker of Chains" was for the most part a pretty damn boring episode. Luckily it saved itself at the end with some good old fashioned medieval village raising and a prettayy freaking awesome kill by Sir Nashville above. Let's get into it.

Direwolf Badassery - 0 - I'm starting to wonder if direwolves are still even on this show. 

Joffrey Swag - 10 Points - Even in death Geoffrey proves that he's so insanely maniacal that A) He deserves rock sunglasses, the mark of a true swag-king who will swag so hard in the afterlife B)Makes his weirdo brother and sister parents have extremely creepy evil sex next to his body. He was an evil bastard and I think this is the last we will see of him.

1. The episode title seemingly referred to Khaleesi's nice little speech to the slaves of Mereen, but it actually applied to so much more. With Joffrey gone Tywin's is set free to really RULE via extremely impressionable Tommen Lannister. Arya is slowly losing any shackles of innocence. And the Thenn showed just how dark things get can when there are no chains of civilization at all, cause you know, they just eat little kids's parents in front of them.

2. Give up for Game of Thrones cinematographer Anne Haellmigk who made some truly stunning images in the opening sequence with Sansa fleeing the city.

3. Got Dayuum, just when I thought he was becoming a likeable hero Jaime had to go rape his sister. You suck Jaime, I feel tricked by your entire arc so far on the show.

4. I really enjoyed the Hound and Arya's latest episode of their dynamic duo adventure for two reasons. It was interesting to see how civilians lives are impacted by the war for the throne and also because we got another hilarious scene with The Hound trying to get his grub on. 

5. Hearing Ayra shout out the Tully clan made me wonder what happened to Brynden Tully aka The Blackfish, a totally badass character who escaped the Red Wedding last season. Can he please return!

6. Samtell Tarly is a really good dude but I can't help but think that he's a fool for leaving his girl in that town. It's all good though because I'm 95% certain he's going to play the hero and come back and save here when the White Walkers roll in. 

7. At this point I don't understand Khaleesi's grand speeches and posing with her army. The bad guys send a champion out and she sends a dude. Why doesn't she just laugh and send in THREE dragons to turn said champion into a human-horse s'more? People will bow down to you ASAP. The whole time I'm watching that (admittedly dope) scene I just thought --- yo don't you have dragons?

8. "There has never lived a more royal squire" - truer words have never been spoken by Tyrion before because Sir Podrick is the realest and most ride or die character on the show. He is immensely loyal, loves wild women, can drink with the best of them, bullshit with Bronn, kick-ass in battle, and now not even testify against Tyrion. Truly the most purest and legendary character on the show.

9. Oberyn finally got his crazy orgy scene and it was cut short by the Lord of all ball-busters - Tywin Lannister. I'm intrigued to see how his role on the trial of Tyrion plays out but more intrigued by a potential showdown between him and the mountain Sir Gregor Clegane. Most anticipated fight of all time.

10. The village attack scene might be remembered by the Thenn cannibals being terrifying creeps, but the real star of the show was the BG aka the Badass Ginger aka Tormund just wrecking everyone. Guy's a fighter, can't wait to see him square off against Jon Snow!

Game Of Thrones Recap - Season 4 - Episode 2 - The Lion & The Rose

This was worse than the Red Wedding, I'm so shaken up by it I'm not even talking straight in the video blog I did above. It's with a heavy heart that I write this post. RIP Joffrey. 

Direwolf Badassery - 3 Points. We got a pretty cool POV sequence of Summer killing a deer but...a deer...couldn't it be a White Walker?

Joffrey Swag - To the stars and beyond. Fitting that in his final moments the legend Joffrey would just radiate swag on all of us. He got too close to the swag son and burned up once he tasted true swag Nirvana. His final moments lest we forget: He was snooty about the goblet his father-in-law gave him, he chopped the book up after praising it, he had an epic cape swirl, there was a dope sword name, he made his bride have some 80's hair style (nice one Joff!), henripped off a power kiss, called Renly a deviant, made fun of the fat drunk knight who is important now I think, brought midgets to the party, and finally served up his uncle who slapped him. Still, his death was traumatic as hell. I still haven't recovered.

1. Terrifying opening shot with Ramsey Snow's dogs chasing down a poor girl. Yet another reminder that Ramsey Snow is the #1 character I can't wait to see die a horrible death. Just a little shit all around. Who's gonna do him? Future magic Bran Stark? Or is Hodor going to just rip him apart?

2. Don't feel bad for Theon at all now that he's a weird imp named Reek. Just remember all of the super lame power hungry business he pulled back in Season 2?

3. Is Roose Bolton (the guy who killed Rob Starkk) going to be a main character now? All I want is to see this guy die, not scheme for power?

4. As much as I find Shae annoying, it was kind of heartbreaking seeing Tyrion just shred her heart to bits. I understand why Tyrion had to go about it that way, but damn, that's almost as brutal as that horse getting chopped in half way back in Season 1.

5. STANNIS aka the realest character on Game of Thrones. Dude is just burning his In-Laws alive and has somehow got his wife thrilled about it. His character may be underdeveloped but it doesn't matter cause this dude just oozes determination. Others want the Iron Throne, he needs it.

6. Melisandre's little visit to Stannis's daughter was interesting. Does she play a larger part in the story? What kind of potential is her dragon skin infection?

7. Absolutely loved Bran touching the Weirwood tree (just like the one the Night's Watch take their oath at) and have some trippy dreams. The Dragons flying over King's Landing was especially epic, but I'm more interested in what's waiting for him in the North. Considering his magical powers as a Warg are growing I think he'll have a part to play in the big ass showdown that's going down with the Night's Watch and the Wildlings. Maybe he'll even slay a White Walker. That would be choice.

8. Yes, that was the epic orchestral rock and roll soul shaking Icelandic band Sigur Ros performing for Joffrey at the wedding. It had to be Margaery's pick ,though. I'm sure Joffrey only listens to Slipknot.

9. I know he hates his nephew but I really don't think Tyrion had it in him to kill Joffrey. Smart money is on the Tyrell's because that Grandma is colder than Tywin will ever be. That line to Sansa about killing at a funeral...c'mon Grandma...we know you want your grand-daughter on the throne.

10. Really enjoyed seeing Bron and Jaime practicing sword-fighting. Two quick thoughts on that. The first is when is Jaime going to learn to use his gold hand as a weapon. The Second...those two would be REALLY fun to party with.

No updates from Jon Snow, Arya, or Khaleesi this week. Hopefully next we'll get a little less Wedding drama and little more carnage. Swag on Joffrey. Swag on.

Game Of Thrones Recap - Season 4 - Episode 1 - "Two Swords"

Welcome to TPG's Game Time aka my recaps for "Game of Thrones." Since I last published a recap I've gotten more serious with my writing so recaps (and other thoughts) will be published here on www.timgoessling.com. Be sure to check out my other published works in the "articles" section and also subscribe to my weekly newsletter "The Survival Guide."

Direwolf Badassery: -10. I'm starting to wonder if counting these points is still valid considering the unfortunate events of last season. We have Ghost, Nymeria, Summer, and Shaggydog out there but a direwolf gets burned in the first minute of the show so that's a big loss of points!

#JoffreySwag : 28 Points! 10 points for the statue. 5 bonus points for the pose. 3 points for his fly gold clothes (swag!) and an additional 10 points for all his zingers. 

1. The season opens with the image of a sword and many times did swords play key roles in tonight's episode. The Stark's sword was melted down, Jaime's abilities were questioned, Arya got his sword back, and Prince Oberyn Martell commented on best use of a sword inside. The message here folks is that swords will be used this season and blood will be spilled (perhaps more than usual).

2. Some new cities on the map. I spotted Dreadfort and Mereen and the return of Winterfell. Did I miss any?

3. Just when you think Jaime's redemption story and journey to being a hero is going to continue strong this season with him standing up to his father he has go get all bitsy creeping on his sister. WTF Bro?

4. Pretty sneaky for HBO to hit you with the brothel scene complete with lots of naked female flesh only to switch it with some potential man on man action. I'm sure many a Bro of Thrones fan was confused by that moment!

5. Oberyn Martell is going to be a beast this season. Calling it now- it's going to be a real showdown for resident badass between him and BG aka Badass Ginger aka Tormund the Wilding. Jon Snow is now too emo to be considered.

6. Shae is the most annoying character on the show. Why is she still around? Weak sauce.

7. A surefire way to introduce a group of bad guys is to make them cannibals and such is the case for the Thenn. A group more wild than the wildlings! Dayuum!

8. I loved how well written this episode was. The dialogue cracked like the flames of a beach bonfire party with Melisandre. The scene with Jamie and Cersei re-connecting and the Hound's "Wire" reference (A man's gotta have a code") standoff were almost Tarantino like in their verbal firepower. Also props to blind man Maester Aemon on the Night's Watch for squeezing in a zinger about how he learned to spot liars.

9. This episode was full of darkness: almost to a point where it seemed the writers were trying to point out that this is "Game of Thrones" and they're not not holding back. Multiple references to rape, crucified kids, violent descriptions of horrible acts, and brutal deaths. Maybe I've just gone soft while the show's been off the air. 

10. So Arya finally gets her first real kill on her list - Polliver - a barely important Lannister soldier. She also got her sword back! She is on her way master assassin but I hope she doesn't lose her humanity on the way.

11. No sign of Bran,Hodor or my main man Stannis and his blazing hot broad. Since both of their stories are the most magic heavy I actually missed them a lot and can't wait to check in.

That's it for the first week, feels great to have the show back on the air, the waiting is always the hardest part and we made it! Happy to have the show back and sharing these recaps with you. Please share them and spread the word!

-TPG