Game Of Thrones Season 5 Finale Recap - Mother's Mercy

Well that's not what I was hoping for, yup, certainly not what I was hoping for. My favorite characters had a rough go of it in the season finale, but maybe not as bad as the fate of the show itself. Yes, that's right folks - I'm starting to wonder if the show...may...have...lost of it's mojo. More on that later.

Direwolf Badassery - NONE. You'd think that if Ghost can sniff out when Sam is going to die he may be able to sniff out when his master is about to die or is dying a terrible death. Thanks Ghost, you get negative points for the episode and finish the season with a healthy 1 point.

Margaery Mayhem - Nowhere to be seen and I'm questioning why I ever had this be a category this season.

1. Stannis really had a rough go of it in the first 20 minutes of the episode. Troops gone, daughter burned alive, wife hung herself, and then total massacre of his remaining men. Oh yeah he's probably dead. Then again he was saved by the power of editing (more on that in a second).

2. One of the episodes best moments was seeing Theon finally emerge from his Reek persona and toss Ramsay's little minion over the ledge to a very brutal death. But then he and Sansa jumped of the castle walls (WTF) and were met with the power of editing.

3. So there it is again, these edits on the show where it leaves a characters fate in the wind until either: A) George R. Martin writes a new book B) The actors negotiate their agreements C)The writers figure out what the hell is going on in the story D)All of the above. The massive lack of closure for Stannis, Sansa, and Theon really bothered me - what about you?

4. Arya murdering the shit out of that guy was exhilarating but not as exhilarating as the meta-implications of Sir Jaqen running through different faces. Lookout here comes a MIND MELT - it reminded me of the legendary book The Hero with a Thousand Faces which touches on the familiarity of heroes across cultures. Since Arya is one of the few to travel across the sea and is trying to re-invent herself I wonder if perhaps she has many faces to cycle through before she can truly finish her heroic journey.

5. RIP Myrcella, we literally barely knew you or really cared about you, but let's be honest you were doomed from the opening scene of this season where a young Cersei learned her children will all die. Glad you got your special moment with Daddy tho. Finally, Jaimie Lannister's journey from cocky badass who you love to hate to total softy who can barely fight is complete.

6. I really feel for Drogon who had "the itis" so bad he couldn't fly and left Daenerys surrounded by a swarming sea of Dothraki. It was the second time we got CG horses tonight and it was still impressive. Now - where she goes from here will be interesting but thankfully she won't be stuck in Mereen talking politics!

7. The politics of this episode were all about Cersei and her long walk home. This scene reminded me of two moments from past episodes. The first is from Season 3 where Joffrey is attacked by a rowdy crowd in the streets - just like her son Cersei's contempt for the common folk always comes back around. And finally in many scenes  Margaery has been amongst the common folk and been admired - I think she'll end up Queen again in no time.

8. Where the hell was Littlefinger this episode? Time traveling to Baltimore - that's a reference to the Wire folks. Oh my god that would be an epic connection.

9. So I guess I've been avoiding Jon Snow's brutal death. The writers foreshadowed it a little too heavy with the Ollie stuff all season but I was shocked. I don't think he's really dead though - Melissandre is going to resurrect him - we've seen what the Worshippers of the Red God can do and I think she'll bust it out for him (cause you know she busted something else out earlier this season for Jon, sorry that was in poor taste) but maybe I'm just coping. It would really suck if really is gone, but at least he got Sam out. Perhaps a goofy Maester Sam series where he travels around Westeros curing ailments and telling legends? Oh my indeed.

10. Overall I give this season a 6. I would have given it a 4 but that epic battle episode with the White Walkers saved the whole joint. The whole thing seemed to drag out a lot of little story beats into a season long slog. Am I alone in thinking this - let me know on comments or social media. Until next year folks - Valar Marghulis.

Stay tuned for my recaps and videos coming. I think I'm going to do one for True Detective!

Game Of Thrones Recap - Season 5 - Episode 9 - The Dance Of Dragons

When your episode opens with a horse on fire you know some shit is about to go down, but honestly this episode couldn't really compete with last week's hotness, or, coldness, or, ugh, you can what I mean. 

Direwolf Badassery - Nothing of any kind, not even a Ghost Jon Snow reunion at the wall.

Margaery Mayhem - None, not even a glimpse of King's Landing!

1. Stannis sacrificing his daughter was pretty heavy but I understand why he did. He truly believes that his actions must benefit the greater good - especially since he seems to be aware of the larger threat. If he's not King - the entire world of men will die - so he's willing to pray a hefty price - maybe even the price of his soul. 

2. The other side of Stannis could just be that his sexy priestess has completely warped his mind and turned him into the man who would be The Mad King. Which one do you think?

3. This episode had a ton of special effects and while the dragons and the arena were cool I was most impressed with the lovely snow. Must be a pain to get that going on set.

4. Arya's storyline is really not connecting with me. While seeing she definitely is not "no one" this week was cool it seems like we've spent an entire season of her just debating if she has what it takes. Kind of boring and nowhere near as cool as I thought. Hopefully next season she'll have a different target each week. 

5. RETURN OF THE MIND MELT WITH SIDE OF GOUDA - Last week we heard Daenerys talk about the wheel of power and tonight there was circular imagery in her story everywhere. The arena she found herself in, the final formation she and her squad stood in facing death, and finally the shape that she flew in when she mounted Drogon. This was the visual imagery of the show presenting us that at least for now she has escaped this wheel, but perhaps may be bound for another shortly.

6. Ser Jorah really is just a romantic guy who wants to maintain his honor. He also has a nifty combat roll which brings me to the fighting this week. It just didn't have the same visceral edge as last week. Those arena fights kind of look like Xena.

7. So this whole Dorne story ends with no one dying, the sand snakes handcuffed, and everyone going back home in one piece? B-O-R-I-N-G. The real story is the world that Jaime is heading back to and how he's going to take that.

8. That being said Dorne looks like the most relaxing spot in the whole seven Kingdoms. They shot it in Seville and it just looks very chill. #vibez

9. The death of Shireen was certainly brutal but it was kind of dulled because I hate her Mom Silyse so much. Only now does she care - c'mon lady you've been a cold cold mother way before you got stuck in the snow, now you care?

10. Next week is the finale and I'm excited but not like totally over the moon thrilled. I think nothing will ever match Hardhome for sheer insanity but hey I can dream.

Game of Thrones Recap - Season 5, Episode 5 - Sons Of The Harpy

The blood was flowing on Thrones tonight and I was into it. So good to see Sir Barristan kick ass right! All in all a major step up from last week.

Margaery Mayhem - 5 points. While she was in two scenes this episode she did get to storm into a room like a boss and really emasculate her husband. She's becoming Cersei and she doesn't even know it.

Direwolf Badassery - 0 points. Sometimes I wonder if the direwolves are still on this show?

1. The first we see of the legendary Ser Jorah is him setting off via boat on a journey to the promised land. His new journey begins! As one of my favorite characters - I hope he is welcomed back by Daenerys - that is if she still alive when he gets there.

2. The Harpies are not to be messed with and I was shocked how quickly they dispatched so many Un-Sullied. Maybe if the Un-Sullied weren't getting lullabies on the regular they'd be able to step up and fight when needed. Daenerys is in way over her head though and now needs her dragons more than ever - they've always bailed her out in the past so maybe this time it will be the same?

3. Jaime Lannister is turning into a real softie huh? He's all emotional about why is he going on his mission. For love of Cersei? For love of his daughter? He better abandon all that real quick because his fighting skills aren't what they used to be and from the looks of those sand-snake warriors - he is going to need them.

4. Mace Tyrell has got to be the biggest bumbling idiot in the whole capital. The guy is just so goofy I wonder if he even knows that Ser Janos is probably going to kill him? Gotta get Grandma Tyrell up in here - she'd never let things get this crazy.

5. Stannis's wife may suck terribly but whoah is Stannis the father of the year after tonight. What I love about Stannis is he displays his loyalty as a parent and as a friend with epic tales of how hard he works. His explanation to Shireen about how hard he worked to save her was beautiful. I'm #teamStannis now than ever before.

6. I hope that Sansa has absorbed everything she can from Littlefinger because with her gone, she's going to need a whole bunch of political tricks. The Boltons are evil people and she may be out of her league. Nice to see those Winterfell crypts again though.

7. How about those sparrows just raising hell in the capital huh? Something tells me that while they may act in the name of the Light of the Seven they are just as power hungry as the Lannisters. I do not trust their intentions one bit.

8. Bronn is such a great character - his explanation of wanting a boring death was a simple way that tells so much about the character. By the way, can you imagine the thrill of blowing up all those ships at Blackwater!

9. Anyone else miss Hodor?

10.Jon Snow refuses Melisandre was a total power move and I love it even though her parting line of "you know nothing Jon Snow" was a total gut punch. Let's hope he can keep it together because the White Walkers (remember them) are coming. They're still coming right?

Game Of Thrones Recap - Season 5, Episode 3 - High Sparrow

For the first time ever I thought tonight's Throne's episode was a little bit boring. The first part of any season has always been set-up but with so many characters you can really feel the plot gears turning.

Direwolf Badassery -None and I'm sad about it

Margaery Mayhem - 150 Points. Between deflowering virgins, getting married, epic brunches, manipulating your husband to get rid of his Mom, and finally confronting your in-laws tonight was Margaery's finest hour. 

1. Sir Jaqen is the true rock star of this show. Not only does he live in a house full of sweet bonfires, but he can shape shift, has fantastic hair, and constantly drops truth left and right. He's like the cooler version of Littlefinger.

2. Tommen is happiest person in the history of this show. He gets to lose his virginity to Margaery, have pomegranate juice brought to him at any time, and sleep on sheets that seriously comfortable. #thedream.

3. Cersei's maester is doing some "work" and it involves someone underneath a sheet moaning and making sudden movements. In case you haven't connected the dots - I think that person has to be the mountain who we last saw in the Maester's chambers. If the mountain rides again I wouldn't rule the Lannisters out completely.  

4. I find the Bolton's to be extremely un-interesting characters and I wish someone would just kill all of them already.

5. Pod and Lady Brienne are the new Arya & The Hound. They could easily have a buddy cop franchise.

6. The scene where Arya cast aside her old life (except Needle) was one of the most beautifully shot scenes in the history of the show. I'm sure the Croatian landscape helps but give up to to director Mark Mylod for such a gorgeous scene.

7. Ned Stark once told Jon Snow that "The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword," and it's good to see Jon following his father's advice in matters of the Night's Watch. I do think that part of that was a show-off to Stannis. I've always liked how kind-hearted Jon is so I hope he doesn't become totally ruthless.

8. Little Finger was dropping some epic quotations tonight including "There is no justice in the world. Not unless we make it."

9. There seemed to be an excessive amount of CG this episode. Every shot was a landscape, a new city, or some long and winding street. I've never found this distracting in the past but tonight it was.

10. Finally we got to see more about "The Sparrows" and if they've cast an actor as serious as Jonathan Pryce in the role you know it's going to be juicy. My sense is that if has followers busting into public places - he is not as meager and pious as he looks. Kind of reminds me of the warlocks in Qarth and we know what happened to them!

24 Points About 24: 10PM-11AM

1. Audrey has been tortured by Cheng in the past, she should know her dying Chinese friend isn't going to make it out alive. By the way she seems awfully composed for that situation.

2. Really enjoyed Jack's elbow drop to find the phone. It's the simple things folks.

3. Did President Heller go to the C.I.A. headquarters because they had more flat-screens?

4. When Chloe was walking down that road and the music was playing I really thought she was going to get picked up by the Knight's Bus. Chloe at Hogwarts, can you imagine?

5. The Russian sea-captain is one of the most hilariously stereotypical characters the show has ever done. Can't believe he didn't have pipe.

6. Chloe says "she's the only the friend Jack has left" in the most subdued voice possible. Not entirely true, he's got Under Armor and Kate!

7. Honestly the whole day is pretty much Chloe's fault.  If she hadn't fallen in with that hacker collective then...

8. Way back a couple of hours ago I called that Jack would end up in a shootout in a shipping yard and now here we are.

9. Finally Jack gets an assault rifle worthy of his talents, poor guy has been using pistols almost all season.

10. Cheng's sniper seems pretty on it when it comes to monitoring Audrey so I'm surprised he lets her answer/look at her phone. What's he think she's doing, doing 24 points looming death? Zinggg. 

11. Jack and Belcheck work so well together it got me nostalgic for the arm cutting days of Jack and Chase.

12. Marat and Pavel are the names of two of the goons that Jack destroyed at the shipping yard. Do those actors get credited and entries in the 24 wikia?

13. Kate and Audrey just having a leisurely walk in the park after an international hostage crisis, no wonder they got ambushed. Get your act together Kate.

14. Here is a 24 analogy for you SAT junkies out there. The Death of Audrey : Kate Morgan as The Death of Terri: Jack Bauer. 

15. RIP Audrey- you earned that silent clock. Welcome to a small but select part of 24 lore.

16. Give it up for Kiefer's acting chops when he receives the news about Audrey. That's why he's the legend.

17. Finally we get a completely unnecessary but awesome butcher knife to the face kill courtesy of Jack's rage mode.

18. Every 24 point I have written this entire season about Jack not getting enough kills is now mute. He just executed Cheng with a samurai sword. This sets an entirely new precedent for kills on the show. What's next? Crossbows? Axes? Light Sabers? Bring it on.

19. President Heller's rationale about how Audrey couldn't be dead because she was surrounded by secret service, reflects that of the entire audience.

20. Jack's rage mode killing spree on the ship including a very violent knife stab into a human shield into a violent shooting into a karate fight with a arch nemesis into a pre-execution one liner about staying dead. That's the stuff we are going to tell our kids about.

21. Never thought I would see that "12 hours later" on the screen in 24 but jumping time formats means that the show gets another season then I'm on board.

22. I kind of feel bad for Tate Tots, I gave him a lot of shit, but I understood where he was coming from. Not as a jealous pyscho husband but as a dude protecting the President.

23. President Heller's "I won't remember anything that happens today" is a brutal and strangely meta commentary on the nature of TV viewing and memory.

24. So 24 choses to follow in the footsteps of it's legendary season one and season five ending's and have Jack in a VERY rough place at the end. Going off to see the Russian's huh. At least the goodbye with Chloe was touching. This ending gives me hope for another season because there is no way that is the end of the character, he'll be back in another season or movie in no time. If this really was the end they would have killed him.

25. I'll give you one more point because you deserve it and Jack killed Cheng with a samurai sword. Let's talk about that last scene:

 - Chloe definetly passed something off to Jack, not sure what it is, but maybe a tracking device that she hastily made in the communications bunker?

- Silent clock at the end, but I don't think Jack is dead, it was just for an emotional moment

- Jack has never had a problem with Russians. He will handle the Russians.

All in all just a fantastic season from start to finish. There is NOTHING on TV like this show and the format is just so effective at building suspense and tension. I really hope it comes back for another season and that we get the return of the character that we all truly deserve: