Game Of Thrones Recap - Season 7 Episode 3 - The Queen's Justice

So Thrones is now three episodes in on a 7 episode season and I'm almost bored. Damn, Cersei is really on the warpath huh? I just wish these "battles" had a little more oomph to them.

Direwolf Badassery - I missed last week and I’m sorry to Nymeria and all the direwolves ever. It was cool seeing the pack, it would have been cooler to see Ghost get dragonstone fangs and rip white walkers to pieces, but that’s just me

Hardholme Pt 2 or Nah - Hell no. We got one dude getting impaled on a spear from Grey Worm and that’s about it. I NEED MORE.

If Jon Snow is the dude convincing world leaders and everyone of a global climate based threat does that make him the Al Gore of the show.

I’m a little mystified just why the people of King’s Landing cheer so much for the Dornish captives and Yara Greyjoy. Don’t these people hate the Lannisters? Didn’t they love the Faith Militant? Didn’t they love Margaery?

For all my fiending for White Walkers the scene with Jon Snow and Daenerys was pretty much the greatest dialogue driven scene in the history of the show.

MAJOR TEASE - Why is Melisandre dipping out but saying she’ll be back. I think she’s gathering an army of red priests and red priestess’s for the coming battle with the Night’s King.

Never really cared for The Sand Snakes so all the scenes with their deaths mean nothing to me.

PREDICTION - Jon Snow will make it back to the wall just in time to see in fall as the army of the dead rolls through.

Game Of Thrones Recap - Season 7 Premiere - Dragonstone

Thrones is back with a classic set-up the pieces for the season episode. I mean there were literal tables with pieces on them at the end of it. So the pieces are set and I’m primed. Let’s goooo.

Direwolf Badassery - Not too much. I hold out hope

Hardhome Pt 2 Or Nah - Not yet, but with three wight Giants and a giant army literally made up of the winds of winter you know this showdown is coming and it’s going to be so damn epic

A lot has happened in the real world since Thrones went off the air and I feel like the election of President Trump has given this thing a weirdly more prescient (big word alert) tone. I loved the line about “yesterday’s wars don’t matter any more” which seems to really drive up the metaphoric coming crisis of the white walkers aka climate change. Additionally, the montage of the Citadel ,a place harrowed for its knowledge, seemed to portray a bunch of old men shitting and eating. Truly an elite institution. The citadel is FAKE NEWS.

First theory of the season - Jaime Lannister is gonna kill Cersei just like he did the Mad King. He knows when someone is crazy and needs to be put down and you can see that inkling behind his still dope armor.

Ever since he said “I am the storm” before killing his uncle - Euron Greyjoy has always been a pretty badass character, but I think his rock star act is a little thin this year. Let’s hope he starts wrecking people soon.

Ser Beric Dondarrion is gonna have a huge part to play in this showdown. You don’t sit around by a fire, have your buddy (or half buddy) see a trippy vishion (whoah bro, arrowhead mountains) and talk about how you want to have your part in the story get played without it being important.

Love Bran at the wall and that Night’s Watch OG Ed is the one that welcomes them, but I think that Bran is a literal magnet for the wrath of the Night’s King. The wall is going down this season.

Cannot wait for the battle at Eastwatch by the Sea. See you there.

Game of Thrones Recap -Season 6 Finale - The Winds Of Winter

Can you feel it? Has there been an awakening? Ooops, wrong franchise, but still - gott dayuuuum that was a wild ass episode! It honestly made up for the whole season being a little lackluster, the payoff was so satisfying! Wow!

Direwolf Badassery - Beginning to think the writers forgot Ghost exists. Why isn’t he present at Jon’s Coronation?

Jon Snow Mania - If the weather report this season called for Snow, then you better get your shovels cause we’re at PEAK SNOW right now. He’s the KING IN THE NORTH!

1. The body count in this episode was staggering, so staggering that I almost wonder if part of it had to do with HBO not wanting to renew a host of people’s contracts. RIP Margaery, Tommen, Loras, Grand Maester Pycelle (did you know he was in Star Wars), Walder Frey (I know you know he was in Harry Potter), The High Sparrow, Amazing Mustache Tyrell Guy, and Lancel Lannister! I feel like next season is finally going to be about two things - the battle for the Throne and the battle vs the White Walkers and I couldn’t be more stoked!

2. Earlier this season Cersei “chose violence” and we finally see what that looks like when seen all the way through. She dresses in some wild evil witch black get up and then proceeds to take a page from her brother’s book and pop some wildfire and incinerate everyone. Of course this comes at a price - Tommen’s death. What will she be like when she has no children to ground her? I think we got a taste when she set the mountain loose on Septa Morgane. The easiest way to put this is she has no shame - ZING

3. The citadel scene was cool but I don’t truly understand where this story is leading? My guess would be Sam is gonna find the ultimate white walker killing weapon - but why is that necessary considering Bran is now back at Castle Black and knows a lot about the white walkers and apparently still has more to learn. Also major Harry Potter vibes from the Citadel.

4. MINOR MIND MELT - Did you catch how Benjen said there was magic in the wall? That magic is keeping the white walkers out for now but once Bran shows up there - I think the white walkers are gonna stroll right through it, just like they penetrated the Raven’s fortress. Bran is marked, he’s like a homing beacon for The Night’s King. I ,for one, wouldn’t mind another epic battle at the wall!

5. Melisandre is a fascinating character on the show. She started as some kind of hybrid sex-pot advisor and has evolved, especially this season as kind of a tragic character who’s paying the price for her convictions. She knows she’s done bad things but she’s so focused on the end game or her own belief she doesn’t see it. I found her lack of true fight against Jon and Davos when they exiled her to be a great ending of this chapter in her story. I wonder if she’ll seek out fellow Lord of Light worshipper Thoros or Myr.

6. So Jon Snow is revealed as a Targaryen and I understand it’s cool for people who read the books, but for me it was all a little anti-climatic. Everyone seemingly knew it was coming and while it was handled well - I was way more into the KING IN THE NORTH SCENE. To me Jon Snow’s lineage is only important if it means he can ride dragons. If he can’t - he’s still the man, but I’m not that stoked on it.

7. Varys - what kind of tricks is he up to? I was suprised to see him on the ship sailing to Westeros and I wonder if his pals know he stopped in Dorne? Having the Tyrells, Martells, Greyjoys all align with Daeyners is a complicated alliance which I would assume to be very fragile.

8. Arya crossed another name on the list and honestly I just felt sad. It seems like she’s becoming more of cold blooded murdering psycho than an elite assassin and I wonder/worry where her journey ends when there is no one left on her list. Speaking of her list the people who are left and still alive are: Cersei, The Hound, The Mountain, and some other who haven’t been on the show in a long long time!

9. With this season finale - the end game is in sight for the show and I’m thrilled about it. Daenerys crossing the sea is a huge moment for the series and seeing her take over Westeros (who can stand against her, seriously) is going to be thrilling. At the same time there is a lot more talk about white walkers and the true battle ahead and I can’t wait to see what that looks like!

10. This season was a weird one - some heavy set-up episodes, some stand out episodes, one intense battle episode and a finale that really tied it all together. I would say it was a major upgrade from last season but still not as epic as earlier seasons. That being said I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited for the show to return than I am right now and that’s exactly where the writers want me to be. Bring on Jon Snow riding a dragon torching white walkers - I’M REAAADDAAAYYYYYYY.
 

5 Thoughts I Had While Being Bored By Independence Day: Resurgence

I was primed for an incredible movie night at Independence Day: Resurgence. I had a bomb-ass dinner of homemade bacon cheeseburgers, sweet potato fries, and grilled peaches and pineapples for dessert. When I got to the theater my wife and I had to wait in line to get in which brought me back to the 90's where I'd wait in line for movies like the original Independence Day. As an added bonus the dude in front of me in line was rocking an amazing Nikolai Tesla shirt which seemed weirdly fitting. Myself, I had an amazing LOST shirt of Faraday & Desmond hopping out of a Delorean with a license plate that said CONSTANT. The usher at the IMAX 3D theater gave me our tickets and said "shirt shirt bro!" It really felt like the stars were aligning for an amazing night of alien cinematic goodness...

1. The movie’s set-up is amazing. The first scene is the iconic speech traveling through the cosmos until it reaches the alien planet where some alien phone operator realizes that his boys just got served and he readies the next fleet. Honestly, it’s an amazing opening. After that there is a ton of stuff about how wonderful earth is now. Peace, lots of technology (but the phones are the same, wtf), and badass looking moon bases. I was all in- it was like 30 minutes of amazing big screen spaceship porn (the kind that’s in Avatar, Prometheus, and The Martian) and then of course the movie happened.

The dope ass ship from PROMETHEUS

2. That set-up is all wasted with story and dialogue so cheesy you could attempt to make an intergalactic plate of nachos. But then you’d fail miserably because there is nothing else in the movie but cheese. All the characters, action sequences, and even destruction just felt boring and uninspired. Even last year’s San Andreas gave better destruction than this! It’s all stupid jokes about nerds learning to fight, scientists without pants, and the glory of peeing in an alien spaceship. It’s so unbearably corny that it feels self-aware but I don’t think it is, and if it is it got me thinking about another classic 90’s movie that is 100% self-aware and cheesy which deserves a sequel/reboot/reimagining much more than Independence Day - STARSHIP TROOPERS!

3. Starship Troopers came out one year after the original Independence Day and is drenched in satire, gore, and sci-fi action. It is still a hell of a ride and got dayuum would a big budget remake be awesome. I was so bored watching Independence Day that I dreamed up a potential cast for “Starship Troopers: Reborn.” Obviously you gotta bring back the mainstays from the original: Caspar Van Diem, Denise Richards, and Neil Patrick Harris. From there you cast the young bucks - I’d go with Gucci Manne, Cameron Dallas, the kid From Kingsman, Bo Burnham, Danny McBride, and Kevin Hart. Finally, I’d have the team leader be played by The Rock who’s pretty much the king of self-aware action- comedy. Yeah, please movie GODS give us a new Starship Troopers movie!!

4. Sorry for that tangent, but here’s what else I was thinking during the soul numbing action sequences in the film - I wish this was a VR video game and I had more control of the camera. There were so many spaceships flying around above gigantic monolithic space structures in the film I really wanted to see more of everything! More exploding ships! More detail on the structures! More fireballs! Sadly I was limited by the “director” and his camera. Here’s hoping the sequel is in VR.

5. Finally, there are A LOT of one-liners in the movie and none of them deliver. Admittedly, the stakes are high here, the original film’s first act is basically all set-up to one the best one liners of the 90’s - WELCOME TO EARF (punch) so anything in the sequel would be tough to match. However, I needed a little more effort from all parties. Even the ones that I remember like “here’s your welcoming party” or something like that were delivered with no energy. Considering a plot point is the alien Queen I was expecting something like “Tea time bitch”, “Fat bottomed aliens are going down,” or even “You ain’t no Elizabeth!” but I got nothing. Yeah, I’m kind of beat up about it.

I was hoping for something as decent as the acceptable Jurassic World and what I got was a shitty mashup of Battlefield Earth and 2012. Maybe not every movie deserves a sequel or a reboot - except STARSHIP TROOPERS, let’s get that going right away.

Game Of Thrones Recap - No One - Season 6, Episode 8

After missing last week, I’m back and you know what - Game Of Thrones is as well. I thought this episode was a great mix of violence, plot movement, and some unexpected humor.

Direwolf Badassery - No, but hopefully next week.

Jon Snow Mania - No, but hopefully next week

1. While I think the writers leaned a little too heavy on the dramatic reenactments of previous seasons with the theater group - I found “Cersei’s” monologue tonight to be amazing. It sets up the anguish that Cersei feels later in the episode was Tommen takes away her right to trial by Combat. Man, Tommen has made a quick turnaround - offscreen character, wide eyed virgin getting his rocks off with Margaery, to now - a cold blooded psycho who turns his own mother over to fanatics!

2. The hound is literally the best thing to happen to this season. He kicks ass, his story has a ton of momentum, and he has far and away the best one liners on the show. Possible for him to get a valerian axe to kill White Walkers

3. I could go for a Varys/Tyrion spinoff series where they travel around the Seven Kingdoms mediating political disputes

4. That being said, Tyrion has had nothing to do this season. Feels like a real waste of his character and Dinklage’s acting abilities.

5.MIND MELT - Is anyone truly good on this show? More importantly when put in difficult situation is the goodness in your soul malleable? This came up frequently tonight with everyone from Edmurre Tully, The Hound, and Jaime Lannister questioning just how much good is left in them. The truth is that outside of Jon Snow - there is no “good” person on this show - just a whole bunch of gray. That’s life though right?

6. I’m a little bummed we didn’t get an epic Riverun siege. I’m more bummed we didn’t get to see The Blackfish fight. Sooo much hype around this character and he “dies” off-screen. He’s not dead by the way - you don’t die off screen on this show when you’re that much of a badass and not come back. Example - The Hound.

7. So for pretty much the whole season Daenery’s plotline has been reduced to a series of epic moments, entrances, and speeches. YAAWWNNN.

8. Game Of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss must have a background in comedy because it really came through in tonight’s episode - not just in the scene with Tyrion n’ Pals having some cocktails. The dialogue with The Hound and The Brotherhood Without Banners was hilarious.

9. So the Terminator, I mean The Waif died offscreen and thankfully this overwrought storyline is at an end. Did it really take two seasons for Arya to get reminded that she is a Stark? C’mon! What a waste. Hoping there is a bigger payoff down the line. It would have been all worth it if she killed Sir Jaqen at the end though.

10. I really thought the slaver’s ships were Ironborn and I got extremely excited. Hope that happens this season.

Stoked for next week! Bring on the battle of the bastards!