Game Of Thrones Recap - Season 6, Episode 6 - Blood Of My Blood

Yawn. I understand Thrones has to do a lot of set-up work to keep the plot moving, but after last week’s amazing episode - I was expecting more.

Direwolf Badassery - Nope and they were missed

Jon Snow Mania - Wish he was around for this episode.

1. The return of Benjen Stark is pretty cool and not just because we haven’t seen him since season 1! First off, he officially confirms that Bran is the new three eyed raven! Second, he’s some weird combo of human and white walker which we’ve never seen before. Third, he reveals he was saved by dragonglass which is nuts because it’s basically the ultimate “weapon” which could turn the wights back into humans again magic potion. And fourth - he can tell Jon about his Mother.

2. The Samwell Tarly story basically just let’s us know that in the world of Thrones it’s now fall (much closer to Winter) and that he picked up a nice new Valerian steel sword during his brief stop at home.

3. MIND MELT ALERT - Arya will still be a faceless man by the end of the season because she’s going to give the Sir Jaqen a face - the super annoying girl aka “The Waif.” They’ve been setting up this showdown all season and Arya will kill her and then Sir Jaqen will be like - nice you passed the real test.

4. Jaime’s face when Tommen rolled onto the steps makes this whole plotline barely worthwhile.

5. Speaking of Jaime, he’s headed towards Riverrun where Lady Brienne is headed as well. I smell a reunion! Wonder what Tormund is going to have to say about that.

6. The return of Benjen is cool cause he’s like a giant ball of thrones mythology, sweet new fire weapons, and old school characters. The return of the Blackfish and his son - ehhh not so much. Although the Blackfish was in an amazing scene back in season 3 - so maybe he’ll be cool - his son’s appearance though - I feel nothing.

7. This is the season of Stark family reunions and I’m ok with it!

8. That Tarly dinner party was the second most awkward dinner party on Game Of Thrones. The first was the red wedding.

9. Oh, I almost forgot, another great Daenery’s speech and emotional scene - YAWN. Honestly this show has done nothing since season 2 with this character. She goes somewhere - makes a speech - has some problems - goes somewhere -makes a speech - has some problems - goes somewhere - YOU GET THE IDEA. I felt nothing here. Gonna need a lot more than that.

10. 4 more episodes and I feel like this show is on the brink of being “bad.” Because I said that they’re going to deliver a kickass episode next week - but so much of it just feels like they’re spinning their wheels until the real showdown between the dragons and the white walkers

Game Of Thrones Recap - Season 6, Episode 5 - The Door

Let me pull myself together after that WILD ASS episode, but WOW lot's to digest here.

Direwolf Badassery - I know Ghost gets a lot of hype, but Bran's direwolf Summer is low key the most badass direwolf on the show. Not only did she save Bran in season one but tonight she goes out like an absolute badass (something which can't be said about the other direwolves) and takes out a horde of Wights with her. 15 points for Direwolves.

Jon Snow Mania - He's back and I'm bored with him playing the Westeros version of Risk. Get back to killing people Jon. 

1. Let's get the boring stuff out of the way first: The Arya plotline is going nowhere and is boring as hell. I guess her watching the weirdly meta play recapping the first season was cool, but seriously let's get on with this. Also, is the girl who is always kicking the shit out of Arya - Sir Jaqcuen's daughter?

2. Awesome seeing Sansa telling Littlefinger off, but it was kind of diminished at the end when she LIES to her brother, which just proves she may "hate" Littlefinger but she certainly has picked up on lots of his tricks.

3. Dayuum, so the White Walkers were created by the children who had beef with "men." I guess they had beef with the men because they were taking their homes. Classic fairy-tale story gone wrong. Also, you see the White Walker sword?

4. Brace yourself for a MIND MELT - So if the Night's King can see Bran when he's warging in the past - can the Night's King see across time? If that's the case - I wonder if the reason he didn't go at Jon Snow last year at Hardholme was because he knew that battle was yet to come.

5. Another season another quest for Sir Jorah - this guy is just a quest machine. 

6. I am ready to confess that the Theon redemption story which started when he got his dick cut off has ended and I am firmly rooting for him. Also, are we going to get a naval battle with him and his sister going up against Mr. Fu Manchu?

7. This episode was directed by Jack Bender - who has pretty much directed at least one episode of every show ever. He's famous for directing amongst other things a bunch of LOST episodes so if you got a NOT PENNY'S BOAT vibe from the ending, that's why.

8. What exactly does it mean to "become the raven" and why is it so important. I think Bran's journey is going to take him to the "first men" which basically are the gods of the Game of Thrones world.

9. Loved the slight comedy in this episode - particularly Tormund just being completely obsessed with Lady Brienne. Also, does Podrick not get to hang out with the cool kids at Castle Black?

10. Finally - RIP HODOR - amazing how we feel so much for a character who only says one word. He will be missed!

I know I missed two weeks, sorry won't happen again, alright?

Game Of Thrones Recap - Season 6, Episode 2 - HOME

So we all saw that coming but hot dayuuum, it was still pretty awesome right?

Direwolf Badassery - 5 Points. I'm always down for some direwolves to rip out some throats, but there is nothing more badass than loyalty and the way that Ghost knew his boy was about to come back. Way to go Ghost.

Jon Snow Mania - Yeah, he's back. He got a nice haircut as well.

1. Bran & Hodor are back! Did you miss them last season? I didn't really miss them, but now that they're back and on a flashback journey, let me be the first to say - welcome back. The flashback to #happytimes Winterfell was actually really cool. I loved seeing Young Hodor, Benjen, and Ned. And you know that fact that they showed Lyanna Stark is going to turn out to be a big deal down the line - check out this article for reference.

2. I'm not into the Lannister family drama at all. Tommen wants to be a tough guy. Cersei has the same hair cut as Tommen. Jamie Lannister is trying to be a Dad. Thank gawd for the Franken-Night destroyer guy - he's the only thing keeping the Lannister story interesting.

3. Is the High Sparrow feeling the bern? The scene where he was surrounded by minions and was talking about how united they are strong against the government was nicely political.

4. We didn't see Khaleesi the whole episode but we learned that she had an entire fleet of ships in Mereen the whole time? C'mon girl - why didn't you just roll over to King's Landing and do the damn thing? 

5. The scene where Tyrion confronted the dragons was amazing. First off, he is consistently one of the bravest characters on the show and that courage was really on display here. Second, the visual effects on the dragon's mouth when he turned the flame on where amazing. Finally, I love how this scene was set-up by his fleeting glimpse at the dragon last season when he was in the boat with Ser Jorah. 

6. Wow - Ramsay Bolton is pretty much the most evil character in all of TV history ,huh? That was a pretty brutal 5 minute stretch he appeared in. Can't wait until Jon Snow fatality kills him.

7. So the guy on the bridge who killed Balon Greyjoy is his brother Euron Greyjoy - a new character this season. And, WOW, what an entrance. The lines "I am the drowned God" and "I am the storm" are pretty damn cool if you ask me. 

8. It was kind of funny to see Melisandre be super mopey and emo and while I get that she's bummed about her visions not coming true - what is she gonna be like now that she did some next level magic? My hope is that her character continues to develop in interesting ways now that she's got a confidence boost. Would love to see her in combat.

9. I'm sorry it took my 9 points to get to that amazing giant kill. It was long overdue - we've seen giants shoot arrows, run fast, swing trees, but never just ragdoll someone into a wall. Wow!

10. And finally, Jon Snow is back. We all knew this was coming, but that still doesn't make it any less awesome. Love the way they shot this scene and cannot wait to see what happens now! They keep setting up this huge battle at Winterfell and while that would be dope - I would hope Jon's real battle now is with the White Walkers because you know that show-down is coming. 

Game Of Thrones Season 6 Premiere - The Red Woman

Thrones is back and I gotta say this was a pretty strong opening episode. It set up the pieces on the chessboard, had some decent fighting, and a hell of a final scene. Also, let's talk more about that final scene - kind of ruins all of my game of thrones babe rankings, but whatever.

Direwolf Badassery - Healthy 3 points. We got a howl, some solid growling, and some serious teeth shots from Ghost. Let's hope he gets to spill some blood this season.

Jon Snow Mania - No resurrection but at least he's got REAL FRIENDS. 

1. The opening shot of the season is a sunrise over Castle Black. This both showcases that a new season is dawning, but also a potential resurrection for Jon Snow. I know that may be searching but if it opened with a bleak dark night and his body burning - it would be a different opening. 

2. Right out of the gate - Melisandre says "I saw him fighting at Winterfell" and my head is spinning! When did she say that? Way back when she was with Stannis in season 2? Or was it recently? Also, does it matter? I mean, she wasn't hyper accurate with Stannis right? Aaaannnd she's a hag! What?

3. Let's talk about the #hagreveal for a second. First it messes up my women on Thrones power rankings,  but also it makes you wonder just how long Melisandre has been around - and with all the talk on Thrones about the First Men - it makes you wonder just how much she knows about the world of Westeros - both it's players and it's magical history. Perhaps her story will interact with White Walkers? 

4. SLIGHT MIND MELT WITH SIDE OF CHEAP CHEDDAR - The season seems to be about the actions people take after someone important to them dies. How do the Lannisters react to Mycella's death? How do Jon Snow's #RealFriends and the Night's Watch react to his death? How does Ramsay Bolton react to his girl's death? 

5. It took a final season but between that dagger toss and that spear through the face - the Sand Snakes are finally cool - took long enough, don't really know what to make of them? A Dorne plotline isn't that interesting - if they try to infiltrate King's Landing - that's a different story.

6. I touch on this in my video recap - but those Dothraki foot soldiers having an ultra crude conversation about Khaleesi really felt like it was seasons of unnecessary female nudity, sex, and classic "sexposition" rolled up in one statement. Let's hope this season is different than last season and that we don't have a rape every other episode.

7. You know it never gets old, but between frozen rivers, rolling green hills, and deserts - GAME OF THRONES can still give you that epic vista!

8. Has Theon's redemption journey won me over - not yet? I may be inching towards that starting line but this dude was insufferable at Winterfell - so they haven't got me yet.

9. In a passing of the torch - Roose Bolton has taken over the Tywin Lannister roll of making somewhat cryptic menacing threats while standing in a dining room. Welcome Roose - you deserve it - maybe you'll die on a toilet like Tywin

10. Usually there is a pre-credits opening scene - but not this time? I wonder why that is? Oh I get it now - the previously one segment was like five minutes long and thankfully summarized a rather weak last season!

The Revenant's Cinematic History

I "experienced" "The Revenant" last night and while there is no doubt that it's visual grandeur and filmmaking style is truly next level - I'm still a little muddled on how much I actually liked the film. It clearly was striving for masterpiece status and the whole film just left me feeling -- nothing. Well that's not true - I felt that Leo physically gave it his all for the Oscar, which is cool I guess, but some kind of statement about the universe - not so much. You see, the whole time I was watching it I couldn't shake the feeling that it was a mash-up of a whole bunch of classic films that didn't really congeal into the truly moving masterpiece it wanted to be. So here are some of the films that the Revenant pulls from and why you should check them out. 

The New World (2005) - These two films have a ton in common. The first is that they share legendary cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki, a guy so legendary he has his own type of lightning called "chivo." The second is that they're all about how men interact with nature and the impact that the wild has on their souls. "The Revenant" seems to say that we are powerless in the face of the land, which I get, but I much prefer "The New World" for it's joyous celebration of how the land can provide such joy, happiness, and ultimately truth. I know these are different types of stories - but the "The New World" just captures the balance between man and nature.

Apocalypto (2006) - "The Revenant" boasts some pretty amazing action sequences featuring people fighting people, animals and the elements - but while seeing people take arrows to the throat is shocking they only succeed at being gruesome rather than thrilling. And don't say that it wasn't supposed to be entertaining - you don't spend CG dollars on horses going off cliffs if you don't want to entertain people. And so if you're looking for some sheer total wild nature based entertainment - Apocalypto is clearly your best bet. The movie is basically one giant chase scene through the jungle where Jaguar Paw (above) pretty much wrecks everyone. The movie rules (yeah I know Mel Gibson sucks). 

Jeremiah Johnson (1972) - This is a story similar to the Revenant in that it's about one man's journey into the harsh elements of nature to find himself and in some cases to avenge his family. However this movie succeeds where "The Revenant" fails because it creates some amazing wilderness characters including BearClawJack and Pants Suit Red.

The Grey (2011) - Unjustly known as the Liam Neeson vs wolves movie, The Grey excels at showing what the wilderness does to a man's faith. Sharing a similar frosty setting The Grey covers a lot of the same thematic ground and also ends with an epic showdown of sorts. However I suspect that more people will remember the final scene of "The Grey" more than the end of "The Revenant" because everything that comes before carries a little more weight.

The Last Of The Mohicans (1992) - Building off that Jermiah Johnson point, one thing I didn't really like about "The Revenant" was that I had no sense of the characters in the film. "The Last Of The Mohicans" really establishes not just Hawkeye as a character but also the Native American family that anchors the film. In addition this film is the best combo of epic nature shots, actors going all in on being in nature, badass action, romance (yeah I said it) and just overall storytelling of all the films on the list. Easily one of my favorites. 

I realize that as reading this you might think I didn't like "The Revenant," which is not really the case. I found it to be visually stunning but shoddily paced. My hope is that if you got off on the naturalism, action, and overall feel you'd like all these movies above. Let me you know if you check em out.